Week 8 Previews

Slam Pig vs. premature ejaculate

Could this be the week that my fairytale season finally comes to a screeching halt? The answer is who knows. That's why we play the games and that's why we follow this little hobby of ours so feverishly. Jeff's Romo is on BYE, but thanks to some keen managing on his part, he managed to hold on to a more than capable Eli Manning despite the gluttony of trade offers he may have received for his semi-stud backup QB. My disgruntled WRs need to put up or shut up as they continue to get a plethora of yardage without any trips to the endzone. I can't reasonably expect my RBBC Boys to continue their stellar play without getting help from the possibly overrated WRs. That means you Chad Johnson.

Anal Assassins vs. Arab Assassins

Mike finally rebounded from a 3 game losing streak to stay in the playoff picture last week. Z's losing streak has now reached Mario-like proportions, but he may finally have found a decent QB option in Griese who has a great matchup against a pretty crappy Detroit secondary. This is Z's big chance to stop his skid with Mike's Rudi possibly shelved again. Jon Kitna's overratedness knows no bounds and has finally been benched for a much better QB playing against an atrocious Cincy secondary in what is sure to be a shootout. Cool! Mike traded for my Adrian Peterson. Oh wait, no. That's just the sucky Adrian Peterson. Speaking of sucky, can Chester please just get hurt and stop molesting carries away from "All day?"

Ng 1 vs. Ng 2 : The Battle of Mark Terrace

Yes I know Jack has his own team name but I refuse to acknowledge a name which was smack talk to me....3 weeks ago. Update people, update. Don't act like you have so many better things to do. Gary's cinderella season took a little detour as he tasted his own medicine and lost by fractional points to Kent last week. Jack's disastrous season continues, but there may be a light at the end of the tunnel as Steven Jackson finally returns to the field after a prolonged absence and actually has a pretty good matchup against Cleveland. If St. Louis plans on winning a game this season, this seriously is the only shot. Otherwise, hellooooo record books! Gary's big guns (Palmer, Westbrook) will rebound after a poor showing last week and Gary should have this game pretty well in hand unless Marvin Harrison and Steven Jackson finally justify their high draft positions and give Jack some hope going forward.

Rico no u vs. raga yes u

Um. The best thing we can say about those names is that at least they're not 'No Strength'. This is sure to be the second best match of the week after mine and Jeffrey's although this has potential to be very high scoring and may actually end up being more climactic than the aforementioned one. Both Lovie Smith and Rager E. Ngager continue to start Cedric Benson for some reason, without realizing that he may be the worst RB to enter the league since Curtis Enis. Or Ki Jana Carter. Or Blair Thomas. Are we seeing a trend here? Congratulations to Joseph Addai for making partners. He is now a proud partner in Indianapolis RBBC, Inc. So that's good news.

Albert vs. Kent

I don't even feel like typing out their names. Their game will be great and it will have points and touchdowns and yards and things of that nature. There may also be Field Goals involved. Some players will do well. Others will under-perform. Here's a guarantee: One of these WILL win this game.

Biz vs. Shortbus All Stars

Mario scratched and clawed all season and then just erupted last week in a stylish win against a very quality opponent last week. I am not going to bet against Mario as he clearly has potential to score nicely on any given week as he showed last week. Brandon Jacobs, Chris Chambers, and Jay Cutler will all have solid weeks, but it is going to be a tall tall order to go against the completely insane Patriots Offense lead by The Man and his bunchmate Stallworth. If Frank Gore ever had the opportunity stop his bustfest season, it's this game against a weak NO run defense. This will be a much tighter contest than people expect.

As always, good luck to everybody this week. Have a happy Sunday!

Eat your heart out, Funston. The Real Big Z Board!

Z BOARD - WEEK 7
The second ever Big Z Board has a lot of movement in it after the top 4. Let's call this one a correction board of sorts, because there were some big omissions from last week. ( ∆ = change from last week and Y! = current Yahoo Ranking)				HELLLLLOOOOOOOO!
				# 9 - Adrian Peterson
				# 13 - TJ Houshmandzadeh
				# 18 - Maurice Jones-Drew
				SEE YA!
				# 20 - Brett Favre
				# 22 - Willie Parker
				# 24 - Shaun Vaginalexander
Z #	∆	PLAYER	OWNER	WHY?	Y!
1	--	LT	Kentish	198 yards and 4 TDs last week; Kent hasn't been that excited since he used to beat off to Spice Channel four times a night in high school (and no Mo, I wasn't doing the same thing)	4
2	--	Tom Brady	Chris	Last week I said there was no end in sight to his 3 TDs/game pace. I was wrong…he's now on pace for 3.5 per game with 21 TDs in just 6 games. If Tom Brady made an advance on you, what would you do? Be honest.	1
3	--	Randy Moss	Raga	Another game, another TD for Moss. Is it me or does Moss look like Flavor Flav a bit? Imagine Flavor Flav, but with great genes, and I think you get Randy Moss. Never mind, I just looked them both up and there is not much of a resemblance. I guess I only thought that because they are both black.	5
4	--	Pai-Ton Man Ng	Mo	I am going to count the number of Manning commercials from now until the next Big Z Board. If I see 20 or more commercials, I am dropping Manning to # 20, no questions asked.	14
5	+1	Ronnie Brown	Albert	170 all purpose yards last week and almost 900 for the year. I am going to the game in Miami this week and plan to let Ronnie know first-hand that he made the top 5 on my board. I'm sure he'll be as thrilled as Albert secretly was after we vetoed his Brown for Bowe trade.	3
6	(1)	Joseph Addai	Eric	Looks like he is coming back from his injury. Let's see if he continues his great season or if he loses carries to Kentishon Keith.	21
7	+1	Plaxico Burress	Mike	So…was I right about the NYG play book or what? How many times on MNF did Manning do the "chuck and pray" to Plaxico? I see no reason to drop him on this list as long as he keeps scoring… 8 and counting.	8
8	+3	Brian Westbrook	Gary	Piling up the stats even though he had a week off with an injury. Westbrook is the kind of guy I never draft (in the Warrick Dunn of a few years ago category). Why? Because he's good and I am not.	12
9	NEW	Adrian Peterson	Mo	From "Honorable Mention" to the top 10 in just one week! This is unprecedented in the glorious two week history of the Big Z Board. Seriously though, if we were to re-draft today, wouldn't he go in the top 10?	7
10	--	Tony Romo	Piggy	Romo is a big factor in the Cowboys' and Piggy's great success. After a tough game against the Pats, Romo should continue to make hump in the mouth of his NFC opponents.	2
11	+6	Leggo My Edggo	Piggy	I hate Chris "Boomer" Berman and his retarded nickname gimmick. Can anyone confirm if he's ever used Edgerrin "Leggo My" Edggo before? No way in hell I would bet against this.	16
12	+2	Braylon Edwards	Kentish	He moves up 2 spots because of his 3 TD performance which now gives him 7 on the year. This ex-Wolverine is animalistic!	9
13	NEW	TJ Hou-sucks-ballsah	Piggy	I'm angry at TJ…very very angry. I kept him as an "Honorable Mention" last week, and instead of just calling to let me know he disagreed, he gets 145 yards and 2 TDs against my team. Stupid Persianegro.	10
14	+4	Steve Smith	Raga	Even with Vinny Testas throwing to him, Smith had a huge game. Raga's Moss and Smith are a good 1-2 and shit.	11
15	--	Carson Palmer and Jason Campbell, tie	Gary	Based on the way Gary is trying to keep the rest of the league from ever using Jason Campbell, I'm not sure who should get this spot. Let's call it a tie.	13
16	(3)	Antonio Gates	Eric	The addition of Chris Chambers might hurt his value a little bit. LOL… did I really just type that?	13
17	(8)	Chad Johnson	Mo	Mo's Johnson is smaller than I originally thought. 8 spots smaller, in fact.	20
18	NEW	MJD	Albert	Ms. Jones-Drew is the 18th ranked player in the league over the last three weeks (including a bye), which gets him the 18th spot in his Big Z Board debut.	48
19	(7)	MB III	Albert	MB III has had not I, not II, but III poor outings in a row. Don't think I won't drop you more Mr. III.	19
20	+3	"Hairy" Larry Johnson	Chris	Argh…I can't get Chris Berman out of my head. I am making up nicknames for people at work now. I sit near Tracy Nolan "Ryan" and Daniel "My grandmother needs to use a" Walker	56
21	--	Frank Gore	Chris	With Gore off in Week 6 with a bye, he held his spot at # 21. If he doesn't find the end zone soon, he wont hold it much longer.	54
22	(6)	TO	Eric	The "Original" 81 got schooled by the original "Ocho-Tres," Wes Welker.	30
23	NEW	Willis McGahee	Mike	In with McGahee, out with the gay, Shaun Alexander.	22
24	(5)	Roy Williams	Piggy	Piggy leads the Big Z Board this week with 4 players in the top 25. Congratulations! Your prize is that you get to be in first place this week!	39
25	--	Sperm Man	Z	It was between Henry and Willie Parker here. I say Henry out duels Parker in their head-to-head match up, resulting in Parker being out 9 months with a pregnancy.	51
little z board (honorable mentions)
QB:	D. Anderson, B. Favre, John Joseph Harrington
WR:	R. Wayne, L. Fitzgerald
RB:	M. Lynch, R. Bush, W. Parker
TE:	J. Witten, D. Clark