The Brandon Funston Lovers' Big Board Special

The inaugural Big Z Board. Enjoy. BIG Z BOARD - WEEK 6
			Y! = Current Yahoo! Rank
			LW # = Last Week's Z Rank
Z #	PLAYER	OWNER	WHY?	Y!	LW #
1	LT	Kentish	In spite of his less-than-Superman stats, who wouldn't trade anyone on their roster and a hand-job for LDT right now? Kent is down if you are.	11	--
2	Tom Brady	Ex-Con Akon	There is no end in sight to his 3 TDs per game rate and sure to get plenty of 300+ yard bonuses. The only surer thing in the NFL right now is that Travis Henry will impregnate at least five more women and perhaps one female horse by year's end. Yes, I'm fuckin' bitter.	3	--
3	Randy Moss	Rager	Even with one off week, Moss' 551 yards and 7 TDs have earned him this spot. I wonder which day Rager cherishes more? The day he drafted Moss or the day he proposed to Amisha?	4	--
4	Pai-Ton Man Ng	Mo	Since this is a mostly Asian league, I decided to add some Chinese 5-spice to Mr. Manning's name. He'll end up as the second best QB because he doesn't hump Giselle like the league's top play caller does.	6	--
5	Joseph Addai	Uncle Rico	One of the few first rounders who was exceeding expectations up until his bruised shoulder. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but if he doesn't come back after the bye, he'll drop fast. Speaking of bruises, I bruised my forearm the other day…can I take 2 weeks off from work?	8	--
6	Ronnie Brown	Albert	It was either Dwayne Bowe or Brown here…REALLY tough call. Anyway, remember the days when he was "competing" with Jesse Chatman? A couple more weeks of all-around sexy play and Brown will break the top 3.	2	--
7	Marc Bulger	Z	No honestly…he is the 7th best player right now! No lie! I'll trade him to you for a Snickers bar and practice-squad WR but that's only because I like you. (I'm writing this damn thing so I automatically get a top 10 player each week...Henry's turn next week...and believe me, I won't run out of duds any time soon.)	227	--
8	Plaxico Burress	Mike	Again, tough to decide between Bowe and Burress, but Plaxico gets the call because of his 7 TDs. If you don't watch many NYG games, I'll sum them up for you. Eli throws the ball as hard as he can in the general direction of Plaxico and then prays that he catches it. That's it...the entire NYG playbook in one sentence.	5	--
9	Chad Johnson	Mo	Mo's Johnson is better than the rest of our Johnsons. With the emergence of RBBC's and RFFL's point changes, WRs rule now.	16	--
10	Tony (or is it Tommy) Romo	Piggy	With all the talk about comparing Tony to Tom, I couldn't help but get caught up in the hype. It ends on Sunday when Tom owns Tommy but Romo's play so far earns him a top 10 nod.	1	--
11	Brian Westbrook	Gary	Over 500 all purpose yards and that's with an injury. Westbrook going down at some point in the year is the surest thing in the NFL besides Travis Henry impregnating a blue whale by the end of the season…wait, I used that one already.	15	--
12	Marion Barber Worthington III	Albert	Would be higher but back-to-back games of 50 yards or less with 0 TDs dropped him. And from now on, please refer to me as Z VII. Much obliged, please pass the Grey Poupon.	13	--
13	Antonio Gates	Uncle Rico	Another year, another stellar performance so far from Gates. With hardly any other receiving options in SD, Gates will continue his good play.	10	--
14	Braylon Edwards	Kentish	Almost 500 yards and 4 TDs…he's the big dogg in the dogg pound…as long as Derek Anderson continues his unexpectedly strong play.	14	--
15	Carlson Palmer	Gary	Cinci's D is horrendous so Palmer can be counted on to throw, throw, and then throw some more.	17	--
16	TO	Uncle Rico	Eric's third entry on the top 25 Big Z Board…congrats, you win nothing. TO has been playing well, but you can't help but think there is more upside to him which gets him this generous spot.	36	--
17	The Edge	Piggy	Solid year with almost 450 yards and 3 scores. Teaming up with ex-bag-man Kurt Warner should only help, unless Kurt's Dolph Lundgren lookalike wife scares the shit out of Edge like she does to me.	20	--
18	Steve Smith	Rager	Smith could plummet if Vinny Testa's is serving him balls…meatballs.	18	--
19	Roy Williams	Piggy	In Detroit's pass happy offense, Williams should continue to benefit from Detroit FINALLY choosing a first round receiver worthy of the pick.	28	--
20	Brett Favre	Rager	Until the old man actually slows down, he deserves a spot on this list. It should probably be higher, but I think GB was playing a little above their heads. Anyone else think his Wrangler jeans commercials have a little too much man-love in them? Me too.	9	--
21	Frank Gore	Ex-Con Akon	He's averaging less than 4 yards per carry, but of all of the "dud-studs," he is the one with the best chance to turn it around.	39	--
22	Fast Willie Parker	Piggy	The NFL's leading rusher is racking up the yards, but is that a TD vulture circling up above? Ex-closet pooper and domestic disputer Najeh Davenport could be this year's Bus.	38	--
23	LJ	Ex-Con Akon	Averaging 3.3 yards per carry and only getting worse. His reputation got him here and he can drop off the list with the quickness. Then again, raise your hand if you would NOT take a chance on him.	93	--
24	Alexander	Disgruntled Mario	You've got to hand it to him…he is playing week-to-week with a broken vagina, I mean broken hand.	47	--
25	Travis Henry	Z	YAY! My first real player on the list and the 4th time I've mentioned him! The league's second leading rusher will score eventually… no joke needed there I guess. It looks like he'll play through November, so for the time-being, Denver's studly (and very fertile) back gets the 25 and final spot.	31	--
HONORABLE MENTIONS
QBs:	Derek Anderson, Jon-without-an-H Kitna, Big-Soon-To-Be-Dropped-Ben
WRs:	Torry Holt, T.J. I'm Not Spelling His Name, Reggie Wayne
RBs:	LaMont Jordan, Adrian Peterson (MIN edition), Willis McGahee, Marshawn Lynch